Friday, July 30, 2010


Real Men, according to my 8 year old, don't wear shirts to bed.  They just don't.  He's also got the 4 year old on board as well, and we now lovingly refer to them as The Shirtless Wonders. Formerly, Ethan was also known as The Toothless Wonder - 4 years of missing front teeth needs a special title from their father.


Did you know that Real Men also carry purses?  Yep.  This one in particular was a clever attempt to disguise a toy train that the 4 year old knew his dear mother would not purchase for him at the store.  He asked for it, begged and pleaded for it, was repeatedly told no, and then told me that he would walk down "this aisle" and for me to walk over on "that aisle" and that we'd meet at the front of the store.  Upon our meeting, Little Man is holding a new little gold purse and says, "Ok. Let's go!"and he looks at me wondering if he was just about to pull off the biggest heist in his 4 year history.

But being the supersmart mom that I am, I am not easily fooled by his trickery.
"Becks, You know that if you take that train out of the store that would be stealing and they'll put you in jail?"  "Do you want to go to jail?" I say sweetly.
No response.  This picture from my phone was captured just seconds away from total destruction.  I saw his little fingers begin a death grip onto the bag.  His face shows the dilemma he is battling.  But apparently he's not afraid of going to jail, because at this point he was fixed and immovable.  Nothing was going to get that train out of his hands.
After all attempts at negotiations had failed, I told the sales clerk that it was about to get ugly and that I was just going to have to hand her the looted train and grab the 4 year old in a football hold and head for the car.  (I've done this before, you see.  I knew exactly what was coming.  I know any mean mom can relate.)
He began what was truly an amazing tantrum.  One for the books.  I didn't know he had it in him!  It's been a couple of years since I have seen something so well executed - I was almost wondering if he had passed that phase.  But this must have been his last stand.  He kicked, screamed, stomped his feet spinning in circles at the same time wailing like a maniac while I was trying to open the car, and basically put his best effort into escaping from his car seat.
After an exhausted 10 min, we finally left the parking lot and he began his verbal threats.
"Mom.  I am not living with you anymore!!"  He screamed, to which I sugary sweetly replied, "But Becks, I'll miss you!  Can I at least come visit you?"
"NEVER!!"  He yelled ferociously.  This kid was ticked.
"I'm going to mess up your room!!"   "I'm going to break your bike!!"  The threats continued for almost an hour before the little guy finally tuckered out and fell asleep back at home.  When he woke up, he was all loves and kisses.
Real Men and Little Boys simultaneously co-existing in the same little bodies.


Carolyn said...

Oh my gosh! Crack me up! That Beckham is so funny! I love how you caught it on camera. This one's for the books!

The Stones said...

Oh my, I love the shoplifting story. His look is too fantastic! Can't blame the kid-can jail really be all that bad? :)

Jill said...

I've seen Kerry act very similarly several times - and every time it involves a purse. At least you know where he gets it.